namesake

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Generally, I find blogging a chore. Rather than write my life, I prefer to live it. Which would explain why no one read my blogs, which ironically makes my blog all the better to write in. And that I shall do. A whirlwind of emotions later, and running at 5 am to clear my thoughts. I almost immediately felt ok. Perhaps this proves to me that in general, I am truly not a deeply caring person. Or that talking about stuff (and being honest with the person) is indeed a panacea for me. Which is nice in a somewhat heartless way.

That aside, as I grow older, I think the wiser aspect stagnates. It's funny, but this long vacation has proved to be not fulfilling in many ways. Because it feels somewhat aimless. And I dread what is to come next. People tell me that I'll have so much fun in London. And that I must be so excited. Honestly, this was not something I decided, it was God's will, I'm just going along. And once again, indifference to the fortunate aspect is prominent. So it is, that I leave with a heavy heart. Not knowing what is in store for me (I'm honestly scared) and actually being so comfortable here, and therefore know what I am giving up by choosing to know. Both the known and the un-known are scary for me. Bad position.

So I make now, what would probably be the one and only entry for this year, what I truly think is bothering me... The fact that I will change, when I leave, no matter what I do to stay the same.

Suddenly, I don't really want to grow up anymore.

Annabel Lee spake
;9:11 AM